As he hears a
distant cry from the east wing of the mansion, he starts running towards it:
DANIEL
Daisy? What’s wrong?
DAISY looks up from
her hands that covered her face.
DAISY
Nothing! Don’t worry about me! Who am I to
you? Let me be!
DANIEL
Honey, just tell me what’s going on.
DAISY
I don’t see how you can be so happy all the
time. We lost our son only 3 weeks ago today! How can you forget so easily,
Daniel? Did he mean nothing to you?
Daniel now walks
over to Daisy and hugs her while she continues to cry.
DANIEL
I don’t know. I guess it hasn’t hit me yet.
Daisy shoves Daniel
off her and quickly stands up.
DAISY
Hasn’t hit you yet? Hasn't hit you yet?
Daisy’s starts
raising her voice
DAISY
DO YOU NOT MISS OUR SON? How can you forget
his soft coos he made while he was asleep? Those coos were like the way the
wolves howl at the moon. A sense of serenity. How can you not miss our baby
boy?
Daniel starts
shifting around, adjusting the blinds, fixing the magazines on the dresser top.
Looking out into the backyard garden, he takes a deep breath before he starts
to speak.
DANIEL
You mean your baby boy...
DAISY
DANIEL! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
DANIEL
No, Daisy. I am not kidding. You and I both
know that, that child was never mine to begin with.
DAISY
Are we seriously talking about this again?
Daniel I told you, I was never with your brother!
DANIEL
Half.
DAISY
Okay, sorry. Half-brother. I was never with him
Daniel. He came here to find you when you were off to fight in the war. I
couldn’t just throw him into the streets.
DANIEL
That’s not what he said. He told me that you
did more than ‘just take care’ of him, Daisy.
DAISY
Who are you going to believe? Your wife or a
brother that you didn’t even know about?
DANIEL
You have to understand. I yearned for you on
a daily basis and to come home and see you with another man. It hurt Daisy.
DAISY
He was your brother. I would never do such a
thing to hurt you. You saved my life that day we met. You rescued me from that
horrible man in the park. But I know what you were going through. You just have
to trust me.
DANIEL
Trust. Such an easy word to say but actions
speak louder than words.
DAISY
Daniel, do you remember how we even met?
DANIEL
Of course. I’ll never forget it.
DAISY
Oh yeah? What color was I wearing when I
found you?
Daniel chuckled and
gave Daisy a smirk.
DANIEL
You mean, when you came running to me looking
for help? Pink. I remember because it matched your cheeks.
Daisy comes closer
to Daniel
DAISY
My cheeks? My cheeks weren’t pink!
As Daisy started to giggle, Daniel brushed her
hair back behind her ear and traced her cheeks with his finger.
DANIEL
Yeah they were. Your cheeks were like the
color of a bunny’s nose.
Daniel poked her
nose and gave her a kiss.
DAISY
What was that for?
DANIEL
Author's Note:
I want to start of to apologize that this story-line has so much drama and then suddenly cuts off, I know that's annoying. But if I continued, then I would've end up more than 1000 words so maybe after this class, if I have the energy that is, I'll finish this story. I tried mixing in the story highlights that stood out to me this week in Part C and D. I added the stubbornness from Draupadi into Daniel. I added the lost child from Parikshit. The half-brother part from Hanuman and Bhima. The similes from Drona in Command. Daniel saving Daisy from Bhima and Kichaka. Overall, this story had a lot of tense moments because I organized that way. I tried designing the story to have a lot of climax together and then end on love with a side of mystery in find out what really happened with Daisy and his half-brother. As well as, how did the baby pass away.
Bibliography:
Wow! This was a really great style that you chose. It seemed like this style worked perfectly for the type of drama that you created. I am glad that you acknowledged the fact that the drama just comes to a screeching halt in your author's note. This scene definitely deserves more, but I know the word count restrictions limited you to what you have provided. Great job on this and I hope you find the time to finish it.
ReplyDeleteHi again Benika! I just finished reading your story for Week 6 and I thought it was awesome! I really like the stories with the dialogue in them because it makes me think about what you are saying and your thought process throughout the story. I like how you started with Daniel saying, “Daisy? What’s wrong.” That sets up the rest of the story for a great ending. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Benika. Your story this week was a really good read. I am all for a good drama filled story and this is nothing less. I also like the way you formatted your story. There is a lot of dialog which I think is entertaining for the reader and the characters have so much personality that I was hooked until the very end.
ReplyDelete-Sara
First of all, great job with the script style. The format is what really caught my eye. Secondly, I love the drama! You introduced some heavy conflict right at the beginning, and I got sucked into the story like I would for a really tense TV show. After reading your author's note, I realized what you meant that if you continued working on this story then it would turn into a full length film script, haha. If you do manage to find time, I think you could add more twists and drama overall, but your work so far is excellent!
ReplyDeleteBenika,
ReplyDeleteI am actually a screenwriter so I appreciated getting to read something more like what I am used to. Awesome. I really liked the dialog. It flowed very well together. It seemed natural throughout. I liked the “test” of what color she was wearing and how it melted them together. I agree that the story resolved a little too quickly. I probably would have taken out a bit from the beginning and middle rather than cutting off the end. No matter how long our storyline we need to have everything make sense and some of the back and forth about the brother could have been taken out. Another point on a purely filmmaker standpoint, adding some definitive action in here would be great. Film is a visual medium so it helps to show, not tell. How bout there be a picture of the brother than Daniel hurls against the wall?
Benika, I agree with the others on the style. I think it really matched the sort of romantic drama that you have going here. I agree that the story does seem to resolve rather suddenly, but I would say that it falls off track around the climax rather than the end. I think that the last few lines make for a rather poignant ending.
ReplyDeleteBenita,
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting story telling style. The image made it seemed like the couple was in love. The conversation between the two characters was intense. It had both emotion and conflict. The author's note was very informative. It gave me a good background of the original characters. You did a good job combining the two stories. Hanuman is a great character. He was one of my favorite throughout the semester. Great job!