Dear Diary,
April 10
I don't know what had gotten into my brother. I was just wed with my husband not too long ago and now brother has kept us in imprisonment. Have I done something wrong? I tried to talk it out with my husband but he is was so tired I let him sleep earlier. I wonder if anyone or anything had told my brother some lie that he has forced me to live like this with my husband. I love my brother and would not want anything to happen to him? Does he not have the same mind set? Or does he?
Dear Diary,
June 27
Brother finally visited after killing the sixth child I had. He showed no emotion. That is not like my brother. He is the most caring and especially for his little sister. He did not even say a word to us. He simply told the servant to keep us hydrated as the heat of the summer was kicking in. I don't understand, if he is keeping us imprisoned why is he trying to make it comfortable?
Dear Diary,
August 2
Husband and I know now that we are expecting. I don't know how far long I am but I am able to tell that I am conceiving since this is my eight pregnancy. I am very excited and I don’t know how. I lost 6 of my precious babies and with the grace of God I was able to put my 7th child into safety, or at least I hope he is. I have a different feeling with this child. I can feel the power within me increase day by day and I can’t tell if it’s because of the child or me?
Dear Diary,
September 12
Brother visited once more. This time he asked how I was and touched my face. He hasn’t asked about my well being for some time and let alone be friendly like he was with me in years. I hope he gets some senses and sees what he is doing to his own sister is wrong. I don’t know how much longer I can take of this.
Dear Diary,
January 30
Today was the day. My baby finally entered the world and the beauty of the child I was the happiest mother of them all. He wore the sweetest smile when being birthed and Vasu held him as he cried. My baby. He is finally here! The world stopped as he grasped my pinky. His little coos and giggles made me want to stop the moment and live in it forever. His eyes were like mine, big and bold. Alas, I knew there wasn’t enough time to notice every detail of him because Brother would be coming in at anytime. I sent the little one off to safety with hopes to see him once again.
Birth of Krishna. Source
Author's Notes:
I decided to used the diary style to amplify more emotion since it is the mother going through pregnancy. I used the story of Krishna being born but only pertaining to events held before his actual birth. I found such strength and willpower in Devaki when going through all her births. I was able to detect that a loss of a child is horrific and to go through it countless of times is simply astonishing to me. I think all mothers are super heroes and Devaki definitely meets the definition.
Bibliography:
"Cradle Tales of Hinduism"by Sister Nivedita from 1907.
Hey Benika!
ReplyDeleteI really like this take on the story and the way that you wrote it as a journal entry. Writing in this style makes the character very relatable to the reader and, in my opinion, it makes the story a much more interesting read. I thought that your goal of amplifying the emotion through the diary entries worked really well!
Benika,
ReplyDeleteI also read Krishna and the Other Gods this last week, what a coincidence! I too love the idea of making the story first person through different diary entries. It allows you to put a lot of the character's thoughts on the page, moreso than we get otherwise.
I did notice some problems with sentence structure though, starting with the first sentence (start strong, remember). You need to decide whether you are going to write in past or present tense. THe first sentence is actually both (incorrect). It should be either:
"I don't know what has gotten into my brother"
or
"I didn't know what had gotten into my brother."
I think the first one is probably what you were going for. But this is just one example. I noticed a few more without. Try reading through it once again keeping the tense in mind!
Benika,
ReplyDeleteI have not read this story, but it sounds so sad! Why did the brother do that! There has to be a reason! I really liked the diary style idea. You did a great job with that! You are making me want to read this story now leaving with a cliff hanger! Thank you for sharing your story! I really enjoyed it!
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ReplyDeleteBenika,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the style of writing was awesome. I don’t like reading big chunks of paragraphs (even though I’m guilty of that sometimes haha!) It was very easy to follow along and it was a nice way to read the story, although heartbreaking! Journal entry style of writing has to be one of my favorites and you did a wonderful job grabbing the reader's attention and evoking emotion. Great job!!
Hi again Benika,
ReplyDeleteJust read your Week 12 story and thought it was really good. It was a lot different because of the diary approach you did. It was not like the others I have seen. You did a great job setting the diary up, which seems a little tricky to do. I thought you did a great job explaining the aspect of the story and made the story really enjoyable.
Hi Benika,
ReplyDeleteI love that you decided to do a diary entry. They’re fun to write and enjoyable to read, like we are diving into the raw emotions of the main character and isolated the point in time it happened. The journal style of writing really went well for your goal to amplify the emotions of Devaki losing her children. It is really heart wrenching.
Benika,
ReplyDeleteThat was really a great story! I liked the diary style entries. Devaki seemed to be passionate in her entries. They were sad but, in the end the birth of her son brought her joy. I chose to read this story as a free read. And it was a good choice. I liked the acknowledgement you gave to mothers everywhere. Thanks for sharing and good luck with finals.
Hey Benika! I love that you decided to do a diary entry! This was a fun way to write and enjoy your storytelling. I think I like it so much because we are diving into how they really feel, I mean that is what diary's are for anyways to express your true emotions. Overall great read, Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete